Finding A Good Book Is Hard: Once You Find It, It’s Gone

Sadly, sometimes people write books that are so bad this never happened because of their book.

It is hard to find a good book. I think we all know that. Books that your friends like may not be the same kind you like. Tht book your coworker raved about might be really bad. Worst of all, you might really want to get a book, but there are no copies left in your local bookstore or library. I admit. Some books I read, I hate. Usually I pretend I like it until about halfway through, when I stop and say: “Wow. This is a really crappy book.” But of course, whenever you start reading a book, the Novel Laws* state that you must finish it. You can’t help it.

I just read a book called GONE. That was the original reason for the post. But then I started thinking. And this is the result. So go read GONE. Then come back and finish reading this. I’ll wait. It’s cool. Well, you obviously didn’t read it. It took me a while to read it. And here you are still. I’ll look past it, but just this once. Consider yourself warned.

All book should be like this one. I want a book to hug me now.

Think back to the last time you read a really good book. Was it really, really good. What was it about? What genre? I want to read all the books I can get. But anyway, while you are thinking about that really good book, try and remember when you read it. Unless there is a surplus of really good books where you live, it was probably a while ago. See where I am going? It is hard to find a good book. So if you find one, let me know.

*The Novel Laws are an ancient set of rules created by the first authors about reading and writing books. These laws control a lot of stuff that happens in the world. Kind of like the law of gravity.

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Reaching 50

We have reached 50!

We have reached 50. And when I say we, I mean all of us. Everyone who looked at a post, everyone who came to this site. 50 posts. 50 followers. And I’d like to thank all of you. You guys made this possible. Thank you for supporting me in my quest for a good book. Thank you for being here. I hope to see you guys back here again some other time.

A Tangle Of Knots

The title of this book has nothing to do with the book. Really. I gave it my best shot, and I couldn’t figure out why the book was titled like it is. My only thought was that it had something to do with the man who sells knots. Who knows?

Anyway, this book is set in a land quite like Earth, except mostly everyone has a certain Talent. It might be for spitting, it might be for playing jacks. Almost everyone has one. In fact, our protagonist’s character has a talent for baking cakes. (Which I would very much like to have.)

Unfortunately, Cady (the main character) is an orphan, lives in an orphanage which is run by a woman who can find the perfect match for any orphan except for Cady. Until Cady meets Toby, a taciturn man who once was married, but then something happened, and his newborn child disappeared, and his wife died. He’s not sure he’s ready for a child, but he takes Cady anyway.

Now Cady lives in a Lost Luggage Emporium, where there are 35 matching suitcases, and a whole lot of other stuff. But there are still some mysteries in Cady’s life. Who is her mother and father? Will she win the cake-baking contest? Why is that man stealing everyone’s talents? Live your life forever plagued by mystery, or read this book and sate your curiosity!

The Defense Of Thaddeus A. Ledbetter

 

Thaddeus A. Ledbetter has been unfairly placed in Internal School Suspension. Nothing was his fault. He is always looking out for people’s welfare, always trying to come up with ways to improve stuff for the better of the community. It’s not his fault that, well, things happen. No one bothered to tell him this stuff. Honestly, it’s not his fault.

The fat man who got run over by a bus (only slightly) because of technical difficulties during a slug bug (known to others as punch buggy) competition, as well as the small attention span of the bus driver? NOT HIS FAULT!

The mass choking of the elderly people of a certain nursing home because Thaddeus and his Boy Scout troupe (minus leader) decided to brighten their day by feeding them oranges? No one bothered to tell Thaddeus that old people only wear their dentures during specific eating times? NOT HIS FAULT!

The lighting his pastor on fire, in an attempt to introduce better looking candle lighters, as well as putting his pastor out, by smothering him in the church’s sacred vestments, which are, by the way, very special, very expensive, no-no touch kind of thing. NOT HIS FAULT!

The making several people doubt their life choices, as well as causing one to realize his life was meaningless. All he did was ask a couple questions. NOT HIS FAULT!

And the True Emergency Drill? Well, let’s just say fire+tornado+killer bees+ old people= a whole lot of freaking out. Just goes to show how unprepared the school is for a true emergency. AGAIN, NOT HIS FAULT.

Free Thaddeus. Read his defense. Take sides. Learn the truth.

The Fancy Part Where I Attempt To Explain The Title Of The Book

Notice Thaddeus’s last name? Ledbetter. Led Better. As in, Thaddeus thinks the school should be led by someone better. Cool, isn’t it?

Author’s Names and Ramblings

If I were you, I wouldn’t read the first two paragraphs. They are dreadfully pointless and boring. Take my advice and don’t read the rest, either.

Did you notice the Author’s Name? (By the way, I feel that certain words should always be capitalized because they are important. I also feel that all of my blog posts should contain at least one set of parentheses, but not too many, or ones that are too long, because then you can kind of get off topic. I do that all the time. Like now.)

But anyway, getting off topic, well, not anymore. Finally! So, the author’s name is N. E. Bode. Which can be pronounced like Anybody. See where I’m going? Pretty cool, right? Only problem is the author doesn’t get any recognition. It also takes a lot of work to find out the author’s true name. But you usually can. Except for Lemony Snicket. That guy is a master of secrecy. (Never mind, I just googled him. The Internet is cruel.)

Getting back to the book. Fern lives with the Drudgers. The Drudgers are boring. Fern is exciting. The Drudgers enjoy boring, banal things that no one in their right mind would enjoy. They collect flyers and cans of clothing starch (is there any other kind?) Fern is the exact opposite. Messy, loud, everything the Drudgers aren’t and wish to rid the world of.

Luckily for both Fern and the Drudgers, a nurse, a man, and a boy soon show up at their doorstep, and they discover that Fern is actually the daughter of the man (called the Bone), and the boy (Howard), is the Drudgers’ son. So the two families  decide to swap children for a month to see if what the Bone says is true. And then things just get crazier and crazier.

The Looking Glass Wars: Alice’s True Story?

I don’ t quite remember how I found this book. But I am sure glad I did. This book is a twisted version of Alice In Wonderland. Although the artwork on the cover is kind of creepy and twisted, you should definitely give this book a try.

The book starts off in Wonderland, where a 7-year-old Alyss Heart (Yup, that’s her name)  is hanging out with her mother, the queen. (Yes, that does make Alyss a princess.) Oh, one more thing that I forgot to mention: the entire kingdom has the power of imagination! What this means is you can basically imagine anything, as long as your imagination is strong enough. Now, since this moment is important to the plot of the story, I have to tell you. But I have to put it lightly, it’s really sad. Here goes!

Alyss’s aunt, who was kicked out of line for the throne because she was very irresponsible and just plain old bad, comes in and kills Alyss’s parents and a bunch of other people. She almost kills Alyss as well, but Alyss escapes into the Pool Of Tears, a portal to another world, where there is no imagination powers. This strange world is called “Earth”.

From one world to another…

Alice spends around the next fifteen years of her life on Earth. And slowly, the loses her imagination powers. She also loses Wonderland. Years spent trying to convince the people she met that Wonderland was real wore her down. No one believed. Not even her adoptive parents, the Lidells. Until she met Charles Dogeson, reverend and friend of the Lidells. He believed. And even better, he was willing to try and write and publish a book about her life in Wonderland. Surely that would help convince someone!

Unfortunatly, Charles Dogeson changed Alyss’s life story into a whimsical book about how a little girl named Alice dreamed about a place named Wonderland. The book was nothing like Alyss’s story. Her name wasn’t even spelled correctly! How would anyone believe her now? It’s up to us…

Read this book, or she will chop off your head!

 

And she will kill you any old way!

Tate’s Bake Shop: Why It Should Be Your Favorite Cookbook

Mmmmmm, broiled books

I need to tell you all something. I am slightly trying to turn this blog, this BOOK BLOG, into a COOKING BLOG. Do you understand the implications? I know what you are thinking “Egads! This blogger has gone crazy! And just when I was beginning to understand what the heck she was talking about!” Not to fear, I have a plan that makes perfect sense. I am going to review cookbooks!

And the first cookbook I will review is The Tate’s Bake Shop Cookbook.

Doesn’t it look delicious?

Unfortunately, I cannot share the delicious recipes these books contain. (Copyright infringement) But I can tell you which cookbooks are good and which are not so good.

I have tried quite a few recipes from this book, and they all turned out great. Like  it says in that book-openy-part-thing, you know, its not the forward, something else… I give up. Anyhoo, it say “I can’t promise you’ll like all the recipes, but I can guarantee they will work.” No lie. She speaks the truth. Recently, I got this cookbook for christmas and I love it. I’ve been making a bunch of the muffin recipes, and added my own personal touch.

These are the multigrain muffins. I dusted them with cinnamon sugar befor e putting them in the oven. I also put some cinnamon in the applesauce.

These are the multigrain muffins. I dusted them with cinnamon sugar befor e putting them in the oven. I also put some cinnamon in the applesauce.

This recipe isn’t popular with picky kids.

These are the blueberry muffins. I replaced half of the blueberries with raspberries. Everyone loves this.

These are the blueberry muffins. I replaced half of the blueberries with raspberries. Everyone loves this.

Warning: this recipe contains four sticks of butter!

All these recipes are fabulous, so you should really take a look at this book. You won’t regret it!

Poison: Enjoy Slowly

I almost didn’t pick up this book. The title and pictures sort of warded me off. But boy, I am glad I did. What a great read! Although this book can be rather confusing, what with the constant switching back and forth at the beginning of the book, you will be glued to your seat. No one will be able to budge you from THE ACTION! THE SUSPENSE! As well as those “Wait. What just happened? She was wood?” (Yes, that happens)

Kyra is a potion master with a problem: she just tried to kill her best friend, the princess of Mohr. Before you go jumping to conclusions, (like the rest of the kingdom), she has a reason. The princess wasn’t acting at all like herself. She refused to see Kyra, (her bosom buddy), and enjoyed things such as embroidery and makeup, (She’s a tomboy). Kyra knows there can only be one logical reason: her best friend is possessed!

Everyone knows the only way to save a possessed person is to kill them! So Kyra concocts a potion to kill her best friend. But, for the first time in her life, Kyra’s dart misses. Now the whole kingdom is after Kyra (she’s even a Halloween costume), and she has to find her best friend and kill her, in order to save the kingdom. But is all what it seems?

The Popularity Papers

I think what really hooked me on this book was the pictures. Those wonderful, eye catching, hilarious, printed in color pictures. They really make this series special. Did I mention the pictures are COLOR PICTURES???? I’ve never seen anything like it before. You can’t help but love these books.

Lydia and Julie are two girls on a crusade for “coolness”. Their hilarious escapades make for a great story, and their friends are funny.

In book 1, Lydia and Julia are two 5th graders who have one year to understand what middle school is like. They want to know how to be popular. They are also trying to avoid becoming like Lydia’s sister Melody, who (in one year) went from normal (but slightly girly-girl) to punk emo.

They want to avoid doing that. They actually want to have friends.

In book 2, Lydia’s mom gets a temporary job in England, so her family has to move there for six months. Both Lydia and Julie will have to suffer sixth grade alone. This is pretty bad for Julie, who ends up falling in with the wrong crowd. Let me rephrase that. Julie ends up hanging out with a bunch of 8th graders who call themselves the Bichons. And THEY SHOPLIFT THEIR CLOTHES!!!!!! It is bad. As in, not good. Really bad. Almost as bad as Bad Cat.

This is Bad Cat. He is bad. That is why he is called Bad Cat. See?

I have not read books 3 or 4 or 6. And I don’t really recommend reading them out of order. But I do recommend reading them. They are AWESOME!

Muhahahahahahah!!!

Ah, books. More like stupidity! Without math, books wouldn’t exist! We all hate them, don’t we? I am Professor Pi, and I have come to warn you bout the poison of literature!  Mwahahahahahahahahaha!

Yes, all my loyal fans agree. Oh, and yesterday I got the shipment of rabid piranhas. Because, anyone who doesn’t agree with me gets to meet them! Also, they are very hungry! Won’t that be wonderful? Food for my piranhas AND revenge for people I don’t like!

But, anyways, in the words of Pdeudonymous Bosch, well, he informed me about it, so more like in the words of a man named Santa, “You are getting coal in your stocking for the 613 time, Antionettte!” Well, maybe the spirt of Archimedes will curse Library Lassie next Pi Day!

Anyways, leave this horrible place that shall be cursed by Pythagoras AND Archimedes on super Pi Day! Go to the worlds most awsomest website ever created! http://professorpimathlab.wordpress.com/

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